Sadly, even in this modern Utopia, some crime exists.

• The Ulster Bank was once the target of a ram-raid involving a jeep in 2006.
  The Jeep got stuck in the door, and the thieves ran off with about €54.
  
  
• The post office was also robbed by three locals and a white guy.
  
  
• The nose of a town statue was once stolen, and was replaced with a phallus.
  
  

• Up until 2005,transvestitism was considered a crime in the town,
  with offenders being given a fine of €100 and a prison sentence of between 10-12 months.
  The same 26 people were arrested every year as a result.
  It was only when they all were elected to the town council that they overturned the law.

• The antisocial behaviour of the rowdy youths is always a constant threat to the older generation.
  A common behaviour among the youths is known as "Tromboning".
  This involves youths playing as a 48 piece brass band late at night.
  
  
  • If ever in need of the Guards, Phone 112.
    Offices open from 10am-1pm.
    Or check your nearest chipshop.